Blue For Go
by AuroraBanshee
Summary: Blaine's sitting cross-legged on Kurt's bed with only days left, watching him pack for New York, and they haven't really talked about what any of this means in the context of their relationship. Klaine.


_Disclaimer: I do not now nor have I ever owned Glee, and neither do I claim so. I use the show's characters with the utmost respect for its owners and am not planning any money-making schemes._

* * *

Blaine's sitting on Kurt's bed, watching Kurt flit from place to place as he finishes packing – because _Kurt is leaving_ – and he is only just keeping it together_. _Kurt will soon be leaving for college, for New York, for the rest of his life, and Blaine will still be sitting in Lima, Ohio, waiting for Kurt to text or call or Skype or _something_ until he can join Kurt next year. (Kurt had easily dismissed the idea that they wouldn't make it, because _you aren't going to lose me_.)

Blaine has always known that Kurt is stronger than him.

It shows in the way he looks, the way he carries himself. Where Blaine is false bravado, Kurt is subtle stability. Where Blaine uses old glue sticks to hold himself together, Kurt is sewn tightly shut. Where Blaine puts on a mask because he can't quite deal with the situation, Kurt faces the problem head on.

Yes, Blaine has always known.

Even that first day, when Kurt had been so very vulnerable, Blaine could tell that he was far more prepared for what was happening than Blaine could ever hope to be. Kurt just needed someone there while he took a break from being strong for a little bit. He needed someone to take some of the weight of the world off his shoulders.

It's why Blaine knew Kurt wouldn't last at Dalton. The school wasn't a good fit for him, the environment far too confining for a spirit such as Kurt's. If he had stayed too long, it would have completely stifled him. Instead, like Blaine's friendship, it served as a place for him to heal for a little bit before he went back into battle, brandishing only a quick wit against the ignorance he faced.

It's also why Blaine was _so sure_ that his and Kurt's relationship wouldn't last once Kurt transferred. He had served his purpose, and Kurt would realize that he doesn't _really_ need Blaine anymore, not in the same way that Blaine needs Kurt. It isn't that Kurt loves him less, because Blaine is equally sure that they love each other to an absolutely absurd degree; it's just that Kurt would be able to move on. He's too strong not to.

Blaine first saw an inkling of it when Kurt stopped hero-worshipping him, which, ironically enough, was what sort of led to their getting together. He saw it again when Kurt transferred back to McKinley. Then again at Kurt's Junior Prom. And again when he came back from New York ecstatic rather than saddened by the fact that New Directions hadn't even made the top ten, because life was good and would only _get better_. Soon, it was just a constant stream of confidence. Kurt didn't need Blaine to help keep him going because Kurt had finally realized that he has the strength to do it on his own. Maybe that's one of the reasons why Blaine had felt the need to transfer. He wanted to make the relationship as easy as possible so that it didn't become more work than it was worth. They would have enough problems without adding distance to the equation. But now Kurt's_ going to New York_ and they suddenly _would_ have to add distance to the equation. Which they hadn't done yet.

Blaine's sitting cross-legged on Kurt's bed with only days left, watching him pack for _New York_, and they haven't _really_ talked about what any of this means in the context of their relationship. Nothing had been uttered beyond the shallow reassurances of _we'll Skype every night _and_ you can visit every weekend_ and _no one could ever replace you_. Kurt hasn't been ready to face reality and that's okay because Blaine knows what it's like not to be ready. Blaine hadn't been ready to come out to his parents or go to Dalton or sing at Sectionals or date Kurt or go back to public school or hear about New York _all the time_.

As Kurt removes one of the Post-It notes that are still littering most of the objects in his room – it's pink and had been on a curtain – Blaine thinks maybe it's time for them to sit down and talk about it, even if neither of them is ready.

"Kurt?"

"Blaine?" And now Kurt's looking at him and he doesn't know what to say and what if he sounds ridiculous and _Kurt is going to New York_.

_Breathe, Blaine. Courage._

"What are we going to do?" It's kind of vague and it's obvious by his expression that Kurt doesn't know what he means, but he isn't sure how else to say it and- "When you go to New York, what… _how_ are we going to… _do it_?"

Kurt's eyes widen and he glances to his open doorway and Blaine realizes that he still isn't being clear and is about to clarify his question, but before he can say anything Kurt has already begun talking.

"_Blaine_," Kurt practically hisses, "are you really concerned about our _sex life_ of all things right now?"

_Oh. _ Oops. That isn't what he'd been going for. Blaine's eyes widen as well.

"No, wait," Blaine begins. "That's-"

"It's really not _that_ big a part of our relationship now anyway," Kurt continues, pacing in front of Blaine, "and considering that-"

"_Kurt_," Blaine cuts him off firmly, grabbing his wrist. "That's not what I meant."

"Oh." Kurt sits down on the bed next to Blaine, who shuffles a little to face him, and looks at him, trying to figure him out. Blaine hopes so much that he does figure it out because Blaine _still_ isn't sure how to say it. Unfortunately, it's not to be. "Well, what did you mean then?"

_Breathe._

"I'm just not sure how we're going to make a long-distance relationship work," Blaine forces out. _There_, Blaine thinks. _That's pretty much it._ Unsure of when he'd begun staring at his hands, Blaine glances back up at Kurt.

"Blaine…" Kurt begins, seemingly at a loss. He shifts so that he's cross-legged as well and clasping Blaine's hands in his own. "We've talked about this."

Kurt's got that soft expression on his face, and Blaine's shaking his head and looking down again, and Kurt doesn't _understand._ He doesn't understand that he's all Blaine has.

"No, Kurt, we haven't. Not really." Blaine pauses, thinks. "What happens if we get frustrated with the whole situation and we fight? We won't be able to make up the same way that we do now. It'll be so _easy_ to just say that it's not working out and that we should forget about it."

"Blaine," Kurt breathes. His expression has gone even softer and he's moved his hands up to Blaine's shoulders. They just sit there a moment, Blaine vulnerable and on the verge of tears and Kurt perhaps contemplating what to say. It reminds Blaine of when they first had coffee together, except their roles are reversed and Kurt's not pretending to know what he's talking about like Blaine had. "I don't think…" He seems to be choosing his words carefully. "I don't think we can plan for this. We just have to know we love each other and that we want to make it work. We have to… have faith."

It appears that that's all there is to it then, and that scares Blaine, terrifies him. How can he just have faith when it's something so important to him?

Still, Blaine smiles for Kurt, because he realizes that he isn't going to get a better answer. Kurt responds in kind and presses their lips together in a brief kiss – _soft, warm, safe_. He watches Blaine carefully for a moment before returning to packing. Blaine stays.

What he had perceived as avoidance of the topic had actually been Kurt's acceptance of the situation. Kurt has his own dreams and that's fantastic because once again Kurt is 100% sure of who he is while Blaine is still scrambling to find himself. Kurt _wants _their relationship to stay strong, but he's also ready for when their best efforts aren't enough. It's far worse than when Blaine thought he just wasn't ready to have this discussion. Blaine has known all along that Kurt is strong enough to make it without him, and it seems Kurt has fully realized it as well. That _hurt_ because it would make it that much easier to end everything.

Sighing, Blaine gets up and helps Kurt with the remaining Post-It notes. They work quietly with only Kurt's occasional humming breaking the silence.

After a few minutes, Blaine finds himself fingering a Post-It note that had been on their prom picture – _blue for go_, he remembers Kurt saying. Blaine hesitates, glancing over at Kurt, before grabbing a Sharpie.

Message written, Blaine crosses the room and hugs Kurt from behind. Letting out a sigh, Kurt snuggles back into him and holds Blaine's arms across his waist. They stand there for an indefinite amount of time, each simply breathing and enjoying the other's company. Blaine kisses Kurt's shoulder once, twice, three times, trying to commit the feel of him in his arms to memory. Finally, reluctantly, Blaine presses the blue Post-It into Kurt's hand.

Kurt stays a minute longer, and Blaine exhales all of the tension out of his body. Then Kurt's disentangling himself from Blaine's arms so that he can look at the Post-It. He flips it over, reads it, and shoots Blaine a curious look. Before Blaine can explain, Kurt leaves to find another Post-It note. He scribbles down his own message and hands it off to Blaine. Blaine looks down at it, folded in his palm, before hugging Kurt again because at least Kurt understands this. When he pulls back, Blaine reads the pink Post-It note – _pink for stay_ – and tears up.

_I love you, too._

_-Kurt_

It's stupid for him to cry because they've said it to each other a million and one times, but somehow it's brand new and powerful and _something more_.

Five minutes later finds them tangled together on the bed, foreheads against each other, arms wrapped around one another, packing completely forgotten. They lie down and _remember_. When one of them decides it's just too overwhelming not to, they kiss slowly and lovingly.

Eventually, they sleep.

Blaine is sure that Kurt still doesn't quite get it, doesn't _really_ understand that Blaine just isn't that strong. If this doesn't work, Blaine isn't sure what he'll do because he's been stupid and in love and revolved his entire life around Kurt. Where Kurt has Blaine but also fashion and dreams and _actual plans_, Blaine only has Kurt and a half-thought out dream of spending the rest of their lives together. If he loses Kurt, he's just a dumb boy with no idea what he'll be doing a year from now.

Blaine desperately wants to _know_ that they'll be okay in the next year, but he can't. He can only sit in Lima, Ohio, waiting for a call or a text from Kurt and hope that next year he'll graduate from a pink Post-It to a blue one.

* * *

_Author's Notes:_

_Well, this ended up being more than I had meant it to be. It wasn't really supposed to be about Kurt's going to New York, but I guess I jumped on the bandwagon for that one._

_While I did consider all aired episodes while writing this, Episode 3x17 "Dance With Somebody" was a bit more heavy in my mind than any other. Imagine that._

_I'm toying with the idea of adding another chapter with Kurt's thoughts on how New York will affect their relationship. Because I'm still on the fence about it, though, and because this really can stand on its own, I'm listing it as "Complete."  
_

_Reviews are welcome, as always, and thanks for reading._


End file.
